At the Edge of Doubt and Faith

Like Jacob, my doubts extend far beyond logistical concerns or future plans. I am haunted by deep, internal uncertainties. Why did this happen to my beautiful son? Why must he endure such profound struggle?Amid all the pain and heartache, I am overwhelmingly and wholeheartedly grateful to God for the miracle that, God willing, he will make a full recovery. The countless miracles that have paved the way for this outcome leave me in awe.But with this gratitude comes another layer of doubt: Why was I granted this miracle? What does God now expect of me? Will I have the strength and courage to rise to these expectations – even if I can discern what they are? The weight of this reality presses down on me. How will this trauma reshape my family? How will it transform me? My life feels unsteady, as if I were standing on quicksand rather than solid ground, searching for balance amid the instability. These questions follow me day and night, and I have no clear answer.