The Twelve Steps of Forgiveness

As we approach Yom Kippur -- the holiest day of the Jewish year, set aside for fasting and forgiving -- I've found it's easier to atone for my own sins than to pardon someone else's. That was the case when a longtime mentor lied to me, refusing to explain or apologize; I wanted to get over it but couldn't. A Hasidic colleague told me Jews are required to ask forgiveness three times. If the injured party won't forgive, the sinner is forgiven and the nonforgiver has to seek forgiveness for not forgiving. But I couldn't reconcile with someone who showed no regret and never asked even once for my forgiveness.

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