As of 2016, cultured meat does not yet exist as a food product, but many expect it to grace our tables and refrigerators soon. Scientists are crafting small pieces of muscle tissue, produced via tissue culture and tissue engineering techniques, in corporate and academic laboratories. Others are investing money in the technology, as venture capitalists, or investing time and reputational capital in it, as entrepreneurs. But the technology still lags behind the abundant hype, making speculation into cultured meat’s kosher status curious. Why has this question kicked up so early in the prehistory of the meat of the future? Why must the future be shot through with antiquity? It is tempting to joke that this is because there will be Jews in the future, and some of them might keep kosher – but Jewish interest is only part of the story. The Hebrew National hotdog brand (notably, not accepted by Orthodox Jews) uses the slogan “We answer to a higher authority,” in their advertisements. As Jewish as a “Hebrew higher authority” might sound, this motto also resonates with consumers who defer to non-Jewish higher authorities, or to none at all.