What's Wrong With Masturbation?

Masturbation doesn't fit within typical modern ethical concerns. It's not unsafe or cruel; in moderation it does not interfere with academic or economic performance, and it doesn't make your children more likely to flunk high school or get pregnant out of wedlock. There are no peer-reviewed studies linking it to obesity or reduced charitable giving, and it is virtually the only thing on earth that doesn't give you cancer. Conventional wisdom tells us it's a healthy form of stress relief. It's organic, and nothing could be more local.

So the question for Christian ethics is not, “Is masturbation sinful?” It's, “What could possibly be wrong with it?”