I remember during the early days of planting the church that I pastored for 12 years. While I loved the work, there were stressors everywhere. Anxiety inducing questions arose all the time: "Would anyone show up?" "Would they stay if they did come?" and "Who's going to make the coffee?" By far, though, the hardest question to deal with was, "What happens when someone leaves?"
Like most new church planting pastors, when someone chose to leave, no matter the reason, my heart and soul ached: I questioned my pastoral abilities, I grieved the loss of relationships and I always had an urge to do something to get them back. One of the things that I learned over those dozen years of saying hello and goodbye to folks is that, while there was always room for self-reflection, more times than not there was no one to blame. I also learned that when the leaving was caused by a difference in theological perspectives, there was no amount of arguing that ever got someone to stay once they had decided to leave. The best course of action was to model graciousness and understanding, even if/when it was not reciprocated.
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