I'm thankful that God rarely answers our constant requests wanting to know the future.
Why?
Because if we knew, we’d never move forward. We'd be tempted to do what Jonah did: He ran the other way.
I can tell you right now that if I knew what the past year or the past 10 years would be like, I'd have been in complete paralysis. I have no idea what the next decade holds for me, but I no longer want or need to know. It’s in good hands. I’ll just do my best. Live by grace. And trust.
I’m a dreamer. Yes, I have my bouts with cynicism, but in my heart of hearts, I am a dreamer and an idealist. I believe I can change the world. But over the years, I have learned an amazing lesson:
The best part of wanting to change the world "¦ is that you get changed in the process.
It might not be what you envisioned or even wanted but this is often the case. And more often than not, there are difficult things that take place that humble you, test you, push you, embitter you, frustrate you, but ultimately change you … for the better.
That has certainly been the case for me. Nine years ago, Minhee and I sought out to plant a church in the city of Seattle. I had no idea how difficult it would be to get things started. The stock market crashed in 2000 and interested investors disappeared. We were late on our mortgage payments. Minhee was pregnant with our second child. I couldn't get a job for the life of me and after several months of looking, the job I finally landed was … a custodian.
Yup, I was a 31-year-old custodian for a Barnes & Nobles store. Man, I kept that store so clean.
Honestly, I was so angry and bitter, but through that experience, God humbled and changed me.
Last year, I made my (thus far) most difficult decision as a father and husband in our hopes of honoring our pledge and starting One Day's Wages. The decision tore me up in so many ways and I was feeling so beat up, discouraged, and full of doubt. Honestly, I wept in my office, wondering to myself, “What the hell is wrong with you?” But over the course of this past year, God has used the trials and struggles to change me.
This is why I know God loves me: He keeps working, molding, transforming, and changing me … all while loving me as I am.
Go ahead. Go for it.
Go ahead and try to change the world — however small, smaller, or big. Because in the process, God will change you.
Eugene Cho, a second-generation Korean-American, is the founder and lead pastor of Quest Church in Seattle and the executive director of Q Cafe, an innovative nonprofit neighborhood café and music venue. You can stalk him at his blog or follow him on Twitter. He and his wife are also launching a grassroots movement, One Day’s Wages, to fight extreme global poverty.
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